Sacred Sound

Beep...beep...beep...

The repetitive beeping was the only thing that mattered to Kim Jonghyun. It'd been the only thing keeping him sane, keeping him from yelling and screaming, for the past few days. As long as there was beeping, he would be alright.

Beep...beep...beep...

He hadn't left the hospital room since it had happened, he couldn't leave. He was stuck here, forced by the beeping noise that meant everything to him to stay where he could still hear it. He'd slept here, he'd eaten here, he'd gotten his college work sent here, all to stay within range of the noise. It's soft tones lulled him to sleep at night and woke him up every morning. It was his lifeline.

Beep...beep...beep...

The beeping was all he had to live for.

He adjusted his position on the bed, pulling the mostly motionless body that lay next to him closer. The subtle rising and falling of her chest, and the sacred beeping sound, was the only thing that indicated that she was still alive. Otherwise, the love of his life looked dead.

"Hwang Taejung," he murmured softly. "Come back to me. I need you."

Beep...beep...beep...

He nearly jumped out of his own skin when the door to the hospital room slid open and someone walked in.

"Jonghyun, you shouldn't be here," his brother, Jinki said after he'd set a vase full of flowers on the table next to the bed to replace the dead ones that had been discarded earlier that morning.

"She's not in critical condition anymore. It's fine."

"That's not what I mean. You haven't left this room for the past four days," the elder said and walked across the room to put his hand on Jonghyun's shoulder. "Come on. Get up."

"No, hyung. She needs me," Jonghyun said stubbornly, moving his shoulder from Jinki's grasp.

Jinki sighed, knowing very well that his little brother wouldn't listen to him unless there was a very good reason.

"Fine. Do you want something from the cafeteria for lunch? I'm going down there anyway."

"...Ramyeon..." he muttered, then paused and looked up at his love's face. "And some orange juice."

Jinki looked at him curiously. "I thought you hated orange juice."

"I do."

His brother opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, then decided against it and walked out of the room without another word, the door sliding shut behind him.

Beep...beep...beep...

He laid on Taejung's left side, his back facing the door. His left arm was curled around her slim waist, and stayed that way unless he had to get up an do something. He positioned his right arm in whatever way was comfortable, usually tucked underneath him.

Taejung's face was peaceful and calm; it almost looked like she was asleep. Her eyelids quivered every so often, as if she were in the middle of a dream. She was beautiful, even in her current state. With a bandage covering a good majority of the back of her head, broken bones, and her lips taped shut to keep the tube that was down her throat in place, she was banged up quite a bit.  No amount of injury could overshadow the heart shape of her face, the small bit of baby fat present on her cheeks, the endearing absence of double-eyelids.

Beep...beep...beep...

The door to the room opened once again; Jonghyun looked to see a familiar nurse walking in with a clipboard and some clothing in her hands. She was a young woman that had been raised by her parents in America, according to some of the other nurses, and called nearly everyone by a nickname that usually wasn't used casually in Korea.

"You know the drill, honey," she said after walking around to the opposite side of the bed. "Get up."

"Good morning to you, too, Nurse Han," Jonghyun replied, but began to get out of bed anyway. Every morning before lunchtime, a nurse came in for their rounds. To keep the readings as normal as possible, the nurses had to order him to remove himself from Taejung's side. He stood right by the side of the bed, the nurse's wishes that he get out of the room completely be damned. Nurse Han was understanding, or she hid it if she wasn't, and didn't complain when he refused to move.

"Your mother dropped some clothes off for you earlier. She must have guessed that yours were beginning to smell a bit ripe." She handed him a plain pair of jeans, a sweater, a pair of boxers, and a pair of mismatched socks.

Jonghyun looked down at the clothing he wore. He'd been wearing the same button-down shirt and slacks, both wrinkled beyond belief, for the past couple of days. He'd showered everyday since he'd arrived at the hospital, but he supposed that wearing the same clothes for nearly a week was making them smell something fierce, though he couldn't smell it himself. He briefly wondered how his mother had even gotten into his apartment to get the clothes, but then remembered that he hadn't locked his front door, maybe not even closing it, before running downstairs.

"Thanks..." Jonghyun hesitated, his feet glued to the floor. He didn't like leaving Taejung, even if it was just to go into the bathroom quickly to change.

"I won't do anything until you get back in here, alright?"

His eyebrows shot up. "N-no. It's not that I don't trust you or anythin-"

"Just go," she said, shooing him in the direction of the bathroom. "Leave your clothes on the floor when you're done."

Jonghyun gave up in his attempt to reason, scurrying into the bathroom and patting Taejung's foot as he passed by; she was in good hands and wasn't too far away. He'd heard rumors, all from the gossipy older nurses, of Nurse Han's temper, and didn't feel like experiencing it for himself.

The clothes his mother had brought him smelled of laundry detergent and pine wood, the scent of a run through the washer and his wooden wardrobe clinging to them. He wondered if he always smelled like this, like the heady smell of pine and the light, nearly nonexistent touch of lavender that invaded his nose as he shed the button-down from his arms and tugged the sweater over his head. His hair stuck straight up from the static, a sad side effect of the cheap, hospital-provided shampoo that he was forced to use. He was wetting his hand with water from the faucet to flatten his hair when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.

Crap. That was the first adjective that popped into his mind when Jonghyun tried to describe the man staring back at him. His face was pale and haggard, his lips torn and chapped from constantly biting them, his eyes tired and bloodshot with dark circles of exhaustion underneath. He'd probably get mistaken for a bum if he went out on the streets looking like he did.

He splashed some cold water on his face, then changed into the clean pair of jeans and tugged the new pair of socks on his feet.

Nurse Han was still standing in the same place when he emerged from the bathroom. She was reading something from one of the multiple pages attached to her clipboard, but looked up and snorted when he balled up his dirty clothing and tossed it onto the only chair in the room.

"Can't even fold clothes properly..."

Jonghyun ignored her and walked to the left side of the bed. He sat on the balls of his feet, clasping Taejung's small hand in his own and lightly kissing her ring finger. The gold band that normally rested there had been removed, placed in the drawer of the table next to the bed along with her clothing. He remembered the exact words she'd said after he'd gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry him.

"You're such an idiot," she'd said and laughed at him. "You shouldn't ask a question when you know the answer is going to be yes."

They'd planned to hold the wedding six months from now, in the springtime so they could go on their honeymoon in Japan and see the cherry blossoms in full bloom.

Beep...beep...beep...

"Hey, Roo," he said lightly, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "You have to wake up soon so you can try on wedding dresses next week."

"Roo?" the nurse asked. She was examining the IV bag that hung next to the bed. Jonghyun briefly hoped that they would be able to get rid of it soon.

"Back in elementary and middle school, she'd wear these really big sweatshirts with a pocket at the front. She kept everything in it. I told her one day that she looked like a kangaroo and she kicked me in the shins."

"That's cute," she said, and Jonghyun nodded. "When are you getting married?"

Jonghyun noticed that Nurse Han didn't use the past tense. She didn't say, "When were you going to get married?" as if Taejung were as good as gone. It made him happy and more hopeful that his girl was going to be okay.

"This spring. She's always thought that the cherry blossoms in spring were pretty, so I promised to take her even though I would have preferred to go somewhere warmer like Hawaii," he rambled, not caring that he was practically spilling his guts to someone he barely even knew.

"You must really love her."

"Yeah, I do." He smiled and moved his hands to Taejung's forearm, surprised at how chilled her skin felt under his fingertips. "Why are you so cold? Is that normal?" He aimed the last question at the nurse.

She looked up again from a paper that she was looking at. "It might be poor circulation since she's been laying down for so long. You've been massaging her arms and legs to help the blood flow, right?" Jonghyun nodded. He'd done so at least twice this morning. "Alright, let me see," she said and went to Jonghyun's side of the bed. Jonghyun scooted over a bit to give her some room, returning his hands to Taejung's. Nurse Han felt Taejung's arm lightly, running her fingers over her skin. "Her circulation seems good for someone in her condition and she doesn't feel all that cold..." She suddenly pressed the back of her hand to Jonghyun's forehead and clicked her tongue. "You're just warm."

"Huh?" Jonghyun felt his own forehead; he was a bit warm, but he hadn't noticed. His body being hotter than normal would explain why Taejung felt so cold to him.

Nurse Han turned to the table near the bed. The wooden table had two drawers. The bottom one was open for patient use, and now had Taejung's clothes and her engagement ring in it. The top one was always locked and could only be opened by medical staff that had the key. From what Jonghyun could tell, it held bandages, one-use sponges for baths, a set of clean sheets, things that weren't necessarily needed in the room, but were nice to have nearby. The nurse slipped her key into the lock, opened the drawer, and pulled out a thermometer and a disposable cover.

"That's cold!" he yelped as she stuck the thermometer in his ear, making him flinch.

"If you don't hold still, I'll get the other one. And not the one that goes in your mouth," she said and pressed a button on the thermometer.

Jonghyun shut up instantly.

The nurse removed the thermometer from his ear. "Yep, you have a fever." She showed him the reading; 38.5 degrees Celsius.

"I don't feel sick though..." Jonghyun was sick of Taejung not being awake, was sick of doctors not knowing what was wrong, was sick of hospital food, but wasn't sick sick.

"You've been worrying and stressing nonstop for the past four days. You probably haven't slept well and haven't eaten that much since the food isn't that great. You might not feel sick, but your body thinks that it is." She pulled off the cover, tossing it in the garbage, and put the thermometer back into the drawer. "I want you do go downstairs and get some medicine from the pharmacy. I'll call down there and tell them your name, so just tell them who you are."

"Can you get it for me?" Jonghyun asked. He hadn't left the room in four days for a reason. He didn't want to leave her alone. She needed him there next to her, he needed to make sure she was okay.

"Honey, I'm busy. I've got a whole other wing to do rounds for and a stack of paperwork with my name on it." She went back to the other side of the bed and began looking at the IV needle in Taejung's upturned arm. "I can tell you how to get there if you don't kno-"

"I don't want it."

Nurse Han looked up and sighed exasperatedly. "I have a duty to make people better. If a visitor is gambling their own health to visit or stay with a patient, I have ever right to disallow them from visiting. If you don't go downstairs and get that medicine to fix you're own health, I will make sure that you aren't allowed in here."

Beep...beep...beep...

Jonghyun could barely believe his ears. He thought that the nurse understood why he stayed here constantly, why he never left Taejung's side. "You wouldn't."

"I will."

Jonghyun narrowed his eyes, but at the same time, he had to think reasonably. What was worse, leaving for five minutes at the most, or not being allowed to stay?

"Fine," Jonghyun snapped. He stood up and look for where he'd put his shoes. They turned up under the bed and felt strange and constricting on his feet after not wearing them for so long.

"The pharmacy is in the east wing of the sec-"

"I know where the pharmacy is," he said coldly. He kissed Taejung on the forehead, then turned on his heel without another word.

Nurse Han had threatened to kick him out if he didn't do what she said. People that tried to separate him and his girl didn't deserve his kindness.

The sliding glass door open and closed behind Jonghyun as he walked out, sealing all noise inside the room. He headed towards the elevator, which was just down the hallway. Some of the nurses lingering around the station in front of the elevators looked a bit surprised at the sight of him before nodding their heads quickly. He continued walking. He knew how they referred to him. Most of them didn't know his name since Taejung wasn't their patient. They just knew him as the poor boy whose fiancée had fallen off the second-story balcony.

Jonghyun felt that it was his fault, though everyone else that heard about it swore up and down that it was just an accident, a freak accident. He didn't listen to them. It was his fault that Taejung was laying in a hospital bed with broken bones and a tube down her throat.

Four days ago, Jonghyun had come home from his part-time job to a seemingly empty apartment. He'd set his stuff down and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt before noticing that Taejung was on the balcony of their apartment, leaning lightly on the railing and sipping a glass of orange juice. He'd joined her on the balcony, hugging her from behind and leaning with her as he placed a kiss in her hair and asked her how her day was.

He knew that the top beam of the wooden railing was beginning to rot. He knew that the bolts that held it were starting to pull from the wall. He knew, but he'd forgotten. And, with a terrible splintering sound, the railing broke under their combined weight, sending Taejung to the ground two stories below. Jonghyun had started to fall too, but had grabbed onto the bottom beam of the railing at the last second and hung there until someone could pull him up. Other than a hand full of splinters, he was fine. Taejung was a different story entirely.

Eight broken ribs. Pneumothorax in her right lung. A fractured pelvis. A concussion and possible brain injuries that they couldn't be sure of until she woke up. And that was lucky. She'd landed in the hedges that went around the apartments like a fence. If she'd actually hit the ground, things would have been much worse.

It was still his fault.

Nobody was in the elevator as he got on and hit the button for the second floor. Once he got off, he found the pharmacy quickly. He'd been in this hospital once before, when his sister had gotten her appendix removed. Exploring the hospital was one of many ways he'd entertained himself while his parents were visiting her.

The pharmacist behind the counter smiled when Jonghyun told him his name and handed a small bottle made of brown glass. He could see the liquid inside, and could guess that it tasted like cold medicine or something that would be as equally as horrible to try and swallow. He thanked the man anyway, bowing his head, and made his way back to Taejung's room.

The elevator dinged happily as it let him back off at the fourth floor. He noticed that none of the nurses that had previously been at the nurse's station were there anymore. He shrugged it off, they were probably all busy.

The sliding glass door opened, and something was horribly wrong. There were people surrounding Taejung's bed, orderlies and nurses and doctors. One doctor stood closest to Taejung with a portable cart next to him and defibrillator paddles in his hands. The look on his face was solemn.

The worst thing was the noise. Normally, a calming, regular beep sounded throughout the room. Now it was loud and urgent, and continued on and on without stopping.

"Time of death-"

"Taejung...?" he said, making everyone in the room look at him.

"Someone get him out of here!"

"Taejung?!"

"-12:04 pm."

"NO!"

Jonghyun fell to his knees with a strangled yell, his legs no longer able to keep him up. The brown glass bottle fell from his hands and spilled it's thick, red contents onto the floor. He felt tears prick at his eyes and immediately beginning to fall down his cheeks.

This couldn't be happening. Taejung couldn't be gone. His girl couldn't be dead. They had so much to do together. They had to get married, see the cherry blossoms, have a child together, grow older together and watch their children have children. He had so much to say, he'd never told her that he loved her before anything had happened. He never told her just how much he needed her and how much he cared for her.

"Jongh-"

The glass doors slid open once again, and a bowl of ramyeon and a glass of orange juice joined the medicine on the floor. Jonghyun looked up to see his brother standing in the doorway with his jaw dropped.

"Her heart..." one of the nurses said. "It just...stopped."

"H-hyung," Jonghyun choked out. "I...I told you she needed me."

…

This was all his fault.